my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
