My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
