So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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