Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
