actually, I'm a sock model
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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