escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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