you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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