so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
