You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
