Having a random hookup so left but love u
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
