sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
