Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
