I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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