no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
