I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize