If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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