yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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