After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
