my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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