Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
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