So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
