your thong is hanging out like whoa
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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