He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
