I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
