I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would fuck him just for his dog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
