Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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