Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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