The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize