im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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