I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm going to jail i love you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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