U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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