sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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