i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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