I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
