i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
