I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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