OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sarcasm needs its own font
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
