That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I bet he comes in French.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
