Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
