i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
