i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
