i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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