please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
