I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
