I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
