You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
