I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
