so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
