Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Randomize
