apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
