I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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