**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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