you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
