Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
