Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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