I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
