She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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