why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
