She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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