cat food counts as protein by the way
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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