he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
