im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
