jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
