I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Someone shit on the floor
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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