I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
