i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
