Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
