I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
